Wand
by xRJLupinx
Summary: It's Harry Potter with the stylings of Rent! Or maybe it's Rent: HarryPotterStyle. Either way, it's interesting. Author's Universe. HPGW, HGLL, RLSB, with previous RWHG and DMGW.
1. Owls and Wands

**Author's note:** Okay, so I thought I'd try turning this into an actual story. However, I really wanted to write it out in literate form, but then there was the problem of when people were singing. I've decided to put singing in italics and verses, because I thought it would be a bit weird to suddenly switch to a script format when people sing. So tell me how you like the way it flows, and if it's not working, I might change it.

Again, this is either a Harry Potter version of Rent or it's Rent: Harry-Potter-style. Either way, Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling and Rent belongs to Jonathan Larson. I own neither of them. Their work owns me. :)

Because this is a parody, the new lines of the songs are quite close to the originals by Jonathan Larson. Usually if I filk something I make it totally different, but again, it's pretty close to the original just so you can tell what it is. I'm using the OBC Recording of 'Rent' by the way, but if you only know the film you should still be able to figure out what's going on. It just goes in order of the Rent songs.

One final thing: Cast list!

Roger Davis- Harry Potter  
Mimi Marquez- Ginny Weasley  
Mark Cohen- Ron Weasley  
Maureen Johnson- Hermione Granger  
Joanne Jefferson- Luna Lovegood  
Tom Collins- Remus Lupin  
Angel Dumott Schunard- Sirius Black  
Benjamin Coffin III- Draco Malfoy.

So enjoy my complete author's universe Rent/HarryPotter musical-story! This chapter includes "Cheer Up #1" (Tune Up #1), "Owl #1" (Voice Mail #1), "Cheer Up #2" (Tune Up #2) and "Wand" (Rent).

* * *

Ron Weasley just didn't think he could take it anymore.

He'd always envisioned that he'd have such a great life after Hogwarts: He and Hermione would marry, have five kids, he'd be a wizard chess champion and hold a top position in the Ministry while she worked in some successful intellectual position that he couldn't even understand, and life would all be wonderful because Harry would make everything so peaceful. Oh. And Draco Malfoy would burn up in hell. It was going to be a good life.

However, his life after Hogwarts couldn't have been more different.

Ron was staring at his chessboard in the apartment that he shared with his best friend, Harry Potter. At least they were still best friends, as he had planned. But Harry was acting so different now. He hardly talked. He hardly played Quidditch. He didn't do anything. All right, so maybe he ought to cut Harry some slack. After all, it wasn't as if _he_ was the Boy Who Lived, and most recently, The Boy Who Failed Everyone. Yet Ron didn't think Harry should be upset. So Voldemort still hadn't been thwarted, even with that big and complicated Horcrux plan. Harry had tried. What more did the world want of him?

Ron entered the sitting area of the apartment, and wasn't surprised to see Harry looking miserable in the same old chair. He was sure that if someone took a photo of Harry every day, it would look exactly the same.

"Hey, Harry, want to play a game of chess with me?"

"No."

"How about practicing some Quidditch?"

"No."

"Are you gonna get out of that chair?"

"No. Go get your own chair."

Conversations had ran like this for weeks. Ron had to do _something_.

_"It's August 17th, eight p.m.  
__In the wizard world  
__Five years ago we left from Hogwarts School  
__Not too much has happened since it  
__Just the same old shit_

_Here is Harry!  
__Sitting the way he has been  
__And hasn't moved for ten days!"_

Harry glared at him. _"That's not true."_

"_So you say,_" Ron answered, rolling his eyes.

"_He fought the Dark Lord_  
_Who isn't dead like we thought"_

"_Are you reminding again?"_ Harry growled.

"_Of course not…"_ said Ron, looking sheepish. God. Harry was so grumpy.

_"Don't be so blue_  
_Think of what you can do  
__Tell the Quidditch fans what you're doing, Harry!"_

Surely this had to rouse some inspiration in Harry. He could have played on one of the greatest Quidditch teams of the season (and sadly, one of these teams was _not_ the Chudley Cannons this time). Sure, maybe Harry didn't want to go fly and practice Quidditch, but at least thinking about it had to make him just the least bit excited.

"_I'm being so emo,"_ Harry replied. All right. Maybe not.

There was a screech in the distance. Ron peered out the window, and Harry gave just the tiniest reaction to the sound. Hedwig, perhaps! Hedwig ought to cheer up Harry. Maybe she'd come back with a long letter to Harry, all about how everyone loved him.

"_An owl!"_ Ron announced.

"_Yes!"_ cried Harry. Though Ron wasn't sure if Harry was happy about the owl, or the fact that it had distracted him from interrogating Harry any further.

Ron squinted, and walked toward the open window. _"Here comes…  
__It looks like a letter from my mum…"_

He groaned. Not his mother again. That was the third time today. It was a different owl too, though no wonder since she'd been using so many. This time, Ron recognized the owl as his own, Pig. Pig hooted happy and flew about Ron's head in a circle before scurrying over to Harry and flying around his head too.

"Ron, just take your letter already!" said Harry.

"Well, I'm trying!" protested Ron. "It's kind of hard when Pig won't stay still! Pig! Stop that!"

Pig hooted louder and flew back to Ron, not stopping his spastic flying. "Shut up, Pig!" With a wild grab, Ron seized Pig roughly and snatched the letter from his beak.

Pig let out a loud _"SCREEEEEEEEEEEECH!"_

Ron opened the letter and it immediately began to read itself aloud to him, the voice of Mrs. Weasley echoing around the apartment.

_"This owl is such a spaz_  
_I don't even know if this will make it  
__Ron, Ron, are you there?  
__If you're reading this now  
__It's mom_

_I wanted to let you know- I love you!  
__And I miss you like always  
__Bill, Charlie, and twins are here— why not you?  
__Well, I hope you liked the sweater  
__Yes it is maroon, dear, it matches your eyes."_

Harry snorted. Ron gave him a look. But honestly, Ron had no idea what his mother was on about. Maroon didn't match anything about him. The letter continued.

_"Oh, and Ron_  
_I'm sorry to hear Hermi'ne dumped you  
__I say, let it be  
__That smart ass, bookworm lesbian!  
__She'll learn this mistake was so loony!  
__Love, Mom"_

Ron sighed. He'd been reminded again of how another aspect of his preferred life had gone wrong. Yeah, Hermione had dated him. And then she just dumped him. Dumped his arse. The worse part was who she had dumped him for. True, everyone who got dumped thought the person that their ex had started dating was absolutely horrible, but Ron didn't think it could get any worse than Luna Lovegood. What did Hermione Granger and Luna Lovegood have in common? Nothing, that's what! Hermione was smart and brainy, and Luna was just plain weird. How could Hermione have dumped he, Ron, for Luna? It just wasn't right! Hermione really was loony. Loony for Luna.

Harry must have caught the expression on Ron's face, because he said, "Look, Ron, I'm really sorry about Hermione, again."

"It's okay," Ron said bitterly. "Doesn't matter…"

"She doesn't know what she's missing," Harry went on. "She and Luna are going to have the most bizarre relationship in history."

"I've heard of stranger ones," said Ron. "I think I've been scarred for life by the thought of Dumbledore and McGonagall. And Flitwick and Sprout."

"Hey, at least those aren't as bad as Crabbe and Goyle," Harry pointed out.

"Oh, Merlin, that was terrifying… yet, completely expected, if you think about it." Yes. At least that one had been expected, unlike Hermione and Luna! Ron didn't want to think about it. He couldn't think about it. No. Time to try and cheer up Harry for a second time.

_"Tell the Quidditch fans what you're doing Harry!"_

Harry looked quite fed up, and threw a pillow at Ron. _"I'm being so emo--!"_

This time there was a ring that interrupted Harry. It was he and Ron's fellytone. Or, telephone, as Hermione had always attempted to correct him. Harry had just given up, and let Ron call it whatever he wanted. Though it didn't stop Harry from uselessly throwing out, _"Phone."_

"_Same thing,"_ Ron insisted, and walked over to the table to get it, but not quick enough, because the answering message had gone off. It wasn't a very informative message either. Ron was completely clueless on how to put one on, and Harry had never been allowed near Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia's phone, so he didn't know either. On a fluke, they had gotten the recording to work, but they had been so completely unprepared that the message resulted in:

_"Erm…"_

A familiar voice began recording a message. Singing, in fact.

_"Moonlight shining…"_

Ron snatched up the phone. _"Lupin!"_ both he and Harry shouted into the phone.

"_I'm outside,"_ they heard their former Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Remus Lupin, say. Harry and Ron were thrilled to be hearing from him again, as they hadn't heard from him at all in a year.

"_Hey!"_ Ron greeted.

Lupin sounded shocked. _"You worked your 'fellytone'?"_

"_Yes, I did,"_ Ron answered smugly.

"_What a big kid,"_ Lupin mocked, but he laughed kindly. Harry was laughing along too. For once. Perhaps this is what would cheer Harry up. Though Ron knew that if Harry could speak to any Marauder, it would be his father he'd want most. Then Sirius. But hey, they liked Lupin. Third on the list wasn't so bad.

"_A visit from him brings a smile,"_ Ron said, looking at Harry.

There was a sudden silence on the line. Lupin's laugher had just stopped, instead of properly dying out. It must be the phone. Ron tapped on it. "Lupin?"

"_I may be a while_," Lupin finally said, before the phone hung up abruptly.

Ron looked quizzically at Harry, who had the same expression mirroring back at him. _"What does he mean?"_ he wondered.

Then the phone rang again. "Must be Lupin calling back," Harry said. Ron picked the phone up.

_"What do you mean 'a while'?"_

But it wasn't Lupin. It was a person who had foiled yet another aspect of Ron's perfect life because they had not burned in hell like planned. It was Draco Malfoy.

"_Weasel-bee!"_ sneered Draco's voice.

"_Malfoy! Shit!" _cried Harry and Ron. Ron didn't even know why Draco was calling them. Especially on a Muggle phone, since he always considered himself to be so above them. Before Ron had the chance to ask, Malfoy went on.

"_Look, I'm coming there."_

Harry and Ron stared at each other. _"Here? Fuck!"_

"_I want your soul,"_ Draco said.

"_Who's soul?" _Ron asked nervously.

"_It's Potty's soul that's still left whole," _explained Draco.

"_Left whole?"_ Ron said. _"Who knew, since he saved you?"_

"_When I fought Voldemort,"_ Harry interjected, grabbing the phone.

"_And back at Hogwarts,"_ Ron added, taking the phone back.

"_Remember? I saved you!" _Harry repeated, getting as close to the mouthpiece of the phone as he could without having to bother Ron by taking it.

Draco didn't sound pleased with this information.

_"How could I forget?_  
_You, me, and Hermione  
__How is that mudbloody?"_

"_She'll be protesting soon," _Ron answered expertly, and perhaps a little too quickly. Okay. So he knew nearly everything that Hermione was doing. Though it wasn't too hard to know, considering that Hermione had been advertising her protest about House-Elves as widely as possible. In the years since Hogwarts, Hermione had taken S.P.E.W. to a new level. Now there were riots. There were even more followers.

"I know," Draco groaned. _"Still polishing the wand with her?"_

Ron raised his eyebrows. He had no idea what Malfoy was talking about. _"Hey, Malfoy, you've got me stumped."_

Draco sighed, and repeated his question in a simpler form. _"You still dating her?"_

Ron paused. He really didn't want to tell Draco. He didn't have to. He could lie. Yeah, lie. That's it. _"No, I just got dumped."_ Okay, fine. Don't lie, Ron.

"_She found love,"_ Harry added. Ron slapped him in the arm. This wasn't helping a bit.

"_Oh, a new fella?"_ Draco asked, sounding interested.

"_Um, no,"_ Ron answered. Why was he telling Draco these things? He was recalling the horrible sinking feeling of being dumped by Hermione all over again. This wouldn't have happened if Malfoy had just burned up like he'd planned.

"_What's his name?"_ Draco asked.

Okay. This was it. He really didn't have to say it. But even if he didn't, Harry would have. And he found himself answering anyway. _"Luna."_

There was silence on the other end, and then Draco began laughing hysterically in his cold, sneering laugh. "God, Weasley, she dumped you for a _woman?_ And Loony Lovegood, no less. You must have been terrible."

Ron felt his ears going red. "No, that's not true. We were just… having differences. That's all. It was nothing."

"Yeah, and that's why Granger decided to go find someone with similarities," Draco said. "Well, except that there's nothing similar about them except their gender. This is going to be hilarious in a very, very daft way."

"Shut up, Malfoy."

"Look, Weasel. Just get Pothead over there so that he can hear what I'm saying too."

"Yeah, what's that?" Harry asked, leaning into the phone.

_"We have to talk tomorrow_  
_So make sure you're there, and don't go  
__Or you'll pay, you know."_

And then Malfoy hung up.

"Oh, I hate him!" Ron roared. "Why couldn't he have burned up in hell like I planned?" 

"Really? You planned that too?" Harry asked.

"Oh. Yeah," said Ron. "Best friends think alike, I guess."

"True," said Harry. "Except in my vision, I pictured him being tortured a lot before reaching the burning stage. But we're close enough."

"I guess," said Ron, and he slumped down onto an empty chair. "I'm so bored."

"I'm so emo," Harry whined.

"Merlin!" cried Ron. "I've tried to cheer you up a bunch of times, and you won't do anything! I'm so sick of this! What will it take?" Then his face brightened. "I know." Ron leapt up from the chair and began searching around the room. "Hey, Harry, have you seen my wand?"

"Uh, no. That'd just be disturbing. I saw it that one time by accident, and I'd really rather not see it again." Harry smirked at him.

Ron rolled his eyes. "I'm not talking about a wand like _that_. You're just making fun of me for not understanding Malfoy's comment at first."

"No, I'm not," said Harry. "Anyway, what are you getting it for?"

"I'm going to go curse Malfoy up, that's what," Ron answered. "That'll cheer you up. And me. But I can't do anything unless I find it."

"Then look for it,"

"And that's exactly what I intend to do." This was much easier said than done. Harry and Ron weren't exactly organized to begin with. Throw those boys into an apartment together and you were guaranteed for a mess. Ron rummaged through paper, pillows, food, and random objects.

_"How do you live a magic life_  
_When magic's getting so  
__More tragic each day?  
__Classes, asses  
__It's not right  
__Anyone catch sight  
__What I lost today:  
__Wand!"_

He cast a look over at Harry, imploring him to help him look. Harry joined in.

_"How do you cast a spell_  
_When you go through hell  
_'_Cause you don't have your magic stick  
__When you have no power  
__Your life goes sour-  
__What? No, Ron, I don't mean— you're sick!"_

"_But it's great innuendo,"_ Ron pointed out.

Harry shrugged. _"Hey, you've got a point, so—"_

Together they searched.

_"How we gonna charm_  
_How we gonna charm  
__How we gonna charm  
__Where's my wand?"_

"_We'll light it up!"_ Ron decided.

Harry nodded at him, but he appeared to be slipping away into other thoughts.

_"How do you kill a dark lord_  
_If you've nothing to use  
__And it feels like I am stuck in the blues?"_

Ron wondered how long Harry could possibly be stuck on that subject.

_"How can you think about him_  
_When my girlfriend is dim!"_

"_Why's our life so grim?"_ they both whined.

"_Where's my relationship?" _begged Ron.

"_Must kill him!"_ Harry declared.

"_Let's pun quip," _suggested Ron.

_"How we gonna charm_  
_How we gonna charm  
__How we gonna charm  
__Where's my wand?"_

Harry and Ron were both positive that they each had the worst situation in the world: Harry's being that he hadn't properly managed to get rid of Voldemort, and Ron's of course being that Hermione dumped him for a woman.

Ron's ex, Hermione Granger, happened to be returning home to her apartment that very moment. She'd been out all day researching and looking up things for her protest, and was very exhausted, yet relieved to be coming home to her lover. She'd never exactly understood what it was that had made her so attracted to Luna. After all, Luna was one odd girl. But it had been Luna who believed in S.P.E.W. more than anyone else Hermione talked to.

Luna greeted her at the door.

_"Don't turn, my Herm_  
_It's me— Luna!  
__Your S.P.E.W. assistant!  
__Hey, hey, hey! (Are they freed?)"_

"Actually, according to a very small and hugely prejudiced section in A History of Magic Creatures," Hermione began to say, but Luna cut her off.

_"Don't quote the textbook, I'll churn  
__Now darling, how 'bout some Snorkack suffrage?"_

Oh goodness. Not those ridiculous Snorkacks again, Hermione thought. Luna would ever stop going on about them. Did she not understand what S.P.E.W. stood for? Nowhere in the 'S', or any of the other letters, did it mention anything about Snorkacks! "Luna, I told you, we've talked about the Snorkacks. Now what about that new house-elf footage I asked you to get today?"

"_But Snorkacks live!  
__But Snorkacks live!  
__Your new house-elf footage?  
__Isn't all gone exactly…  
__It was just eaten by my Pogrebon…"_

Hermione gasped, looked furious, and mumbled a very familiar name as she walked off to grab some parchment and a quill. Luna gasped as well.

_"Why would you get Ron!"_

As this went on, yet another person was having a miserable time. The reason for Remus Lupin's sudden hang up on Harry and Ron's phone was that he had realized it was the full moon of that month. And of all days to come back to town…

_"How do you live like a man_  
_When a wolf side can control your mind  
__And tonight it runs  
__How could I forget?—  
__Oh, no, I should sit  
__I'm such a git!—  
__And uh-oh— here it comes!"_

Ron Weasley, getting quite fed up, took a brief procrastination break and looked out the window for his former professor at Hogwarts. _"Where is he?"_

"_Getting wolfy,"_ Lupin moaned to himself as he felt the painful change creeping toward him again.

If it was possible, Harry and Ron's apartment had only gotten messier since they started their search.

_"How we gonna charm  
__How we gonna charm_  
_How we gonna charm  
__Where's my wand?"_

Draco Malfoy, on the other hand, had no need to worry about a messy apartment. He didn't even have to worry about an apartment, because he now lived in a large and luxurious mansion with house-elves and servants to wait on he and his wife Pansy Parkinson's every need. He was still recalling his conversation that he had just had with Harry and Ron. And also wondering why on earth he had called them using a Muggle device. As he walked down yet another extremely long hallway in his house, he came across Pansy herself.

_"Pansy, my baby— you look mad_  
_I can't believe those jerks after all those years at school  
__Ever since I met them, we fought  
__They'll see I can make them all learn who makes the rules!_

_Dementors gathering  
__Dementors gathering  
__Can't hide away  
__Dementors gathering."_

The full moon was a terrible thing. Despite the new advances in lycanthropy that had occurred in the last five years, transformations still felt horrible. Remus Lupin was losing his mind.

_"Uggh! Arrrgh! Uggh! Arrgh! Uggh! Arrgh! Ugghh!_  
_Can't restrain!  
__Uggh! Arrgh! Ugghh! Arggh!"_

"_The wizard is not the one to choose his own wand,"_ Ron commented back in his apartment.

Hermione Granger was still writing her letter to Ron. _"But Herms, I'm not a normal person!" _Luna attempted to explain to her.

"_The wizard just has to wait until they feel instant bond,"_ agreed Harry to Ron.

"_Could never be a normal person!"_ Luna reminded Hermione. It did no good though; Hermione was already sealing the letter and giving it to her owl.

"_Now watch the wizard polishing his wand,"_ said Ron.

"_If it was long and it wasn't gone!" _Harry added.

"_Hermy!"_ Luna scowled as the owl took flight out the window and over to Harry and Ron's apartment. Hermione's owl flew in through the window and over to Ron. Ron ripped the letter open.

_"What's this? Hermy?_  
_Luna's pet ate your stuff?  
Okay, I'll go— enough!"_

He turned to Harry, who was thinking the same things as he was.

_"How can you fly a broom when it_  
_Just wants to make sure that you will miss the snitch?  
__These jinxes, mishaps, wins and loss  
__Will spill you round and fall off the pitch!  
__Wand!_

_How can you survive when the wand, the wizard's extension of  
__His own soul goes away?  
__What keeps the magic together when a raging, crazy, dark wizard  
__Brings evil to stay?"_

"_Draw a spell with the stick and then swish and flick,"_ Draco Malfoy muttered to himself.

"_With your chess you'll go far,"_ Harry said to Ron.

"_You've got a scar," _Ron told him.

As if it was some magical spell in the wizard world, everyone became unanimous in singing.

_"When times get dark_  
_You make your mark_

_How we gonna charm  
__How we gonna charm  
__How we gonna charm  
__With no wand  
__Light my wand  
__Find my wand  
__Wand, wand, wand, wand, wand  
__Where the hell is my wand?  
__'Cause everything is wand!"_

* * *

**A/N: So, a helpful review would be greatly appreciated. I really don't like the way I have to put in the actual story parts and then how in order to change who's singing and I have to put something like, "So and so agreed." I'd put this thing in a sort of script-ish format, but I believe that'd be against the rules. Or maybe just the singing, to make it easier? Any ideas would be welcomed. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Meetings

**Author's Note:** Still don't own HP or Rent, because if I did, I'd have enough money for the rest of my life, and I'd be off playing Hermione in HP and Maureen in 'Rent', and I'd not be here sitting on the computer doing this. :p  
I'm leaving the singing format the way it was, since you all for the most part said it worked. I think there may be one or two songs where it would be incredibly hard to keep it like this, so I might change it, but at the moment it works.  
I still don't like the writing I have in the regular story parts. So enjoy the songs. I apologize for having to call Voldemort as 'Voldy'. It was too many syllables to fit in the song.  
In this update we have "You Okay, Wolfy?" (You Okay, Honey?), "Cheer Up #3" (Tune Up #3), "One Scar Glory" (One Song Glory) and "Light My Wand Up" (Light My Candle)

* * *

_"Everything is changing_  
_Everything is changing  
__Everything is changing  
__Nothing stays the same."_

These words rang out on the street as a wizard sang them out while walking home.

And Remus Lupin completely agreed.

_Changing_. He'd been doing exactly that for years. He'd done the math once in school, but had stopped counting once he found it to be a distressingly high number. But this was life. He'd had a bit of recent luck with a job, but other than that, it was transforming and living the best life a werewolf could possibly have. There were no friends anymore. Tonks was gone. Voldemort had seen to that.

Why couldn't Harry have gotten Voldemort? The plan, it all seemed so right, so foolproof… but berating Harry for this wasn't the answer right now. They wouldn't want him visiting if that's what he was going to do.

Lupin slumped down farther onto the…hmm… now where was he? Ah. Hard. Cold. Dirty. Concrete! Yes, that was it. Hard, cold, dirty concrete in a dark alleyway. Maybe he should move somewhere. It was never a good idea to be a transformed werewolf in a dark alley. He tried moving. Darn. He was too sore. At least he could still think fairly straight. That was one good thing Wolfsbane had developed over the years: a stronger protection on keeping a human mind, though it still didn't help in relieving the pain in his joins. He growled, and slumped back down.

Well, this wasn't so bad. He could just lie here. For the rest of the night.

"_You okay, wolfy?"_

Lupin gave a start. His head rose, and he looked over to the direction of the voice. If you could call it that. He could already tell that this wasn't a human at all, but instead, was an animal. A dog, in fact. The only thing a human would have heard was barking.

It was hard to find where the canine was. The alley was dark because the buildings covered a lot of the moonlight, but the canine passed a stray patch, and Lupin caught a glimpse of a black dog walking toward him. Quite a big, shaggy, black dog. It reminded him of… nah. He was being delusional. Sirius Black was absolutely dead, no matter if he tried to deny that. And besides, he shouldn't have been so stupid as to think that there was only one big, shaggy, black dog in the world, even if it seemed like this.

"_I'm pretty sure,"_ Lupin answered.

The dog looked concerned. Well, as concerned as a dog's face could possibly appear.  
"_You're not hurting badly?"_

Lupin shook his head.  
"_No, not anymore  
__I've done this all for years  
__Yet it never goes!"_

He didn't know what it was that made him tell a slight piece of his horrid history to this stray mutt. Maybe it was the fact that for once, he had company on his transformation. It was nice. He'd been alone ever since the end of his seventh year at Hogwarts, although when he stayed at Grimmauld Place, Sirius had joined him then, too. But that was over. Still, the stray mutt came and sat next to him.

"_Thanks,"_ Lupin said, referencing to what the dog had just done.

The dog appeared to shrug it off as no big deal. "_Well, someday, who knows?"_ he said, referring to what Lupin had said earlier. "_I'm Padfoot."_

Lupin froze right there. "_Padfoot… indeed?"_ It was too coincidental. The dog, the name! But how could it have possibly been him? It would have to have been some sort of absurd dream. Perhaps there were side effects about hard, cold, dirty concrete that made people have delusional dreams.

_"The dog star, wonder where you are…"_

Well. It was worth a shot, Lupin figured. He gave out his name, and nickname.

_"I'm Remus Lupin  
__Or 'Moony'  
__Nice tail…"_

Lupin mentally banged himself against the wall. 'Nice tail'? What on earth was he talking about? It was such a bad conversation starter, and if it wasn't that, then there was absolutely no way he was flirting with some stray mutt dog just because it reminded him so much of Sirius. He needed his chocolate.

Luckily, Padfoot didn't seem offended at all. He just grinned mischievously, and stood back up again.  
_"Let's get some healing for your ails_  
_I'll change  
__There's a 'Life Just Sucks' meeting where I'll soon be  
__Yes, this doggy is a real human outside  
__But every hour and day I am forced to go hide"_

Lupin blinked. It sounded just like his own life now. And the delusion growing inside of him noted that it sounded very much like Sirius. "_As am I."_

"_Wow— we'll get along sly,"_ Padfoot decided, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.  
_"Get you some food_  
_End the roam at my home  
__And rest"_

Now that sounded quite appealing to Lupin, though he knew it was a bad idea to just walk off with strange dogs, even if they were so much like Sirius that the delusion began to scare him. But he could always just go over to Harry and Ron's. Hopefully they wouldn't mind if he got there now. Well, if he could even get into the apartment, looking like this.

_"But there's friends I'm meeting—"_

Padfoot didn't care about that at all.

_"How cute, your protest_  
_Come spend a little time with me  
__And you'll like what you see."_

The gleam in the dog's eyes was bigger, pleading Lupin to follow him. Lupin gave a laugh in his head, this had to be ridiculous! But it sure would make for an interesting full moon, for once. Carefully, he rose to his feet and walked on with Padfoot.

---

"I don't suppose you want to go to Quality Quidditch Supplies? Or maybe the Leaky Cauldron?" Ron asked the miserable form of Harry, who'd not taken long in retreating back to his chair.

"I told you," said Harry. "No. And besides. Why would you go to Quality Quidditch Supplies at this time of night? Wouldn't they be closed?"

"Er… yeah," Ron said sheepishly. "But it might've made you feel better. Look, I'm just going out for a few things. You should change your mind and get out. You're taking the phrase 'living in a house' too seriously."

_Close on Harry_  
_His dark lord rival  
__Came to fight and killed more people  
__Before disappearing into darkness._

Ron understood what was making Harry so miserable. But it was five years. Time to move on. He gave a last look at Harry, and then exited the loft.

Harry wanted to move on. He really did. But you couldn't just 'move on' when the entire wizarding world had been so desperately depending on him. Sure, there were people who didn't blame him for what had happened, and still supported him. Yet there were definitely people who were so upset that he hadn't managed to destroy Voldemort once and for all. He'd been so close. _Why_ hadn't it worked? Though he'd felt his battles with Voldemort throughout Hogwarts had been easy, nothing was as tough as this. Somehow, everything had always worked out then. Ever since he was a year old…

_One scar glory_  
_One scar that changed the world  
__Glory  
__One scar that started all_

_Use this scar  
__Find where you are  
__Voldy  
__Kill the evil dark wizard  
__Who always triumphs over me_

_One night  
__The night when it all began  
__Voldy  
__Set his eyes on a young girl  
__My mother_

_My parents  
__They tried their best to defend  
__But they both had met their end  
__That's when  
__Everything came down to me_

_Scar thrills  
__Scar kills  
__Glory  
__This scar's my story  
__This scar's my story  
__Story_

_Find Horcrux  
__And I thought I could win  
__Win like the Headmaster said  
__Make mortal again_

_Kill Voldy  
__This defeat will bring  
__Glory  
__You'll be known as the hero  
__The hero_

_But  
__Now I know  
__Nothing is easy as that  
__Story  
__Lives forever  
__I can't  
__Just redeem our tortured lives_

_Scar thrills  
__And then the night you can't put up the fight  
__Scar kills_

There was a knock. "The door," Harry said to himself. Must be Ron. Fine. He'd show Ron. "And here I go, getting out of the chair, walking to the door, and opening it, just for you!" He opened it, saying, "_What'd you forget?"_

When he looked out the open door, however, Harry did not find himself looking at Ron Weasley, but rather, another Weasley. His younger sister. Ginny. She was smirking at him. "_Got a wand?"_

God, Ginny. He hadn't seen that girl in ages. Mostly for the fact that he didn't want to get involved with her. It was hard to go through, but at least it had protected her well. Harry vividly remembered how effortlessly Voldemort had snatched up Tonks and killed her. Lupin had been devastated. And Harry had no idea how he'd deal if that had been Ginny. So now here she was again. She looked different now. Obviously, though, five years made a difference. He didn't know what to say. "_I know you, you're— you're Ron's sister"_

Ginny rolled her eyes at this.  
_"It's been years, Harry, and I've grown_  
_You should call me by the name that's my own  
__Would you light my wand up?"_  
She pulled hers out of her pocket, and held it out to him.

Harry looked away. What was this? A horrible pick up line. He looked at her again, and then away. His eyes were trailing…

"_What are you staring at?" _Ginny asked, watching him playfully.

Harry jumped. "_Nothing!  
__Your hair in the moonlight  
__It's very fiery  
__Like it's burning"_

'Your hair very fiery like it's burning?' Harrythought to himself. That hardly had to be any better than 'Got a wand'. Though no, it hadn't been a pick up line. Just a comment, for lack of something better to say.

_"Something might burn up, if you care  
But it'll only burn up once we're there  
What?"_

Damn. Ginny had noticed him staring at her again. He knew that he shouldn't have been doing this, despite the fact that every time Ginny appeared to like it so much. It was a bit like the way he'd been with Cho. How he'd look, and then look away. He was so silly. How old had he been, thirteen? Twenty-two may not have been that much better, but it was at least old enough to look at relationships more clearly.

_"Nothing_  
_It's just you're making me think of--"_

Ginny looked used to this remark.  
_"I always get people to think—_  
_Of who, then?"_

"_My ex,"_ Harry answered, a bit embarrassedly. He knew that Ginny wouldn't want to hear about Cho.  
"_You know, Miss Cho Chang."_

"_That skanky bitch!"_ Ginny exclaimed, and Harry was very taken aback by Ginny's language. She must have noticed the look on Harry's face, because she turned red and muttered.  
"_I mean, what a witch."  
_And then a change of subject.  
_"Would you light my wand up?"_

"_Well…"_ Harry began.

_"Yeah?"_ said Ginny. _"Mmm."_

_"Oh this wand. It's—" _

"—_Waiting. I really think you should—"_

"_Look up! The spell now. Uh huh. That's right."_

Feeling a bit stupid, Harry took the wand from her. He figured if he just went along with her game, it'd be over with sooner. And then he really felt stupid. In all this confusion, he couldn't remember the name of the lighting spell. He'd used it so many times before! How could he forget! Darned Ginny, she was distracting him. He turned away so that his back was toward her, and desperately thought '_Light up, light up, light up, please'._ To his shock, the wand lit. Heavily relieved, he turned back to Ginny.

_"Is this any good?"_

She was smirking at him again. "_Yeah. I think there's a better way."_

Harry nodded.  
"_I know I've heard things can be easy  
__But they aren't for me  
__The wand dimmed, see?"_

He handed the dull wand back to her. He knew begging the wand to light up wouldn't work.

_"I knew it_  
_There must be something else we can do  
__This can work  
__If I work with you"_

"_With you?"_ Harry repeated, at the moment that Ginny dropped the wand. Yet Harry had the sneaking suspicion that it hadn't been so much of an accident when she bent down in quite a suggestive way and picked it up again.

_"They say that I have the best ass_  
_Ever at Hogwarts  
__Is it true?"_ she asked him flirtatiously. 

"_What?"_ Harry asked, quite stunned.

"_You're staring again,"_ Ginny noted.

Damn. Quick. Avoid looking. That's all.

"_I'm not.  
__Although, you do have a nice—  
__I mean!  
__You make me crazy!"_

"_Just like Miss Cho Chang,"_ Ginny said, rolling her eyes.

_"Well, she always cried_  
_But I know you've got me mystified."_

"_Have you been to the Hog's Head Pub?" _Ginny asked.  
_"Lately it's quite the place_  
_Find a spell!"_

The Hog's Head? Many years ago, that had been where Harry had began the DA, and then Cho had come and stared at him. He remembered it well. He remembered how it used to be a rather empty and creepy bar run by Dumbledore's goat-charming brother Aberforth. And then he remembered what it was today. What with Aberforth gone, it wasn't just a bar anymore. Now it was… well, like she said. Quite the place. He and Ron had taken a visit once. It still wasn't all that appealing. There were drinks, yes, and a whole lot of females dancing naughtily. And then he remembered another time he had gone, and seen someone very familiar…

"_Yes!  
__I saw you swish and flick."_

Ginny sighed. "_It's a living."_

"_I didn't recognize you in all that black lace," _Harry told her. And he very much hoped that Mrs. Weasley had never been there, and would never recognize her daughter in black leather and lace.

Ginny changed the subject again.  
_"We should light my wand up_  
_It's dark, so light my wand up"_

Harry shook his head. He knew exactly what Ginny was trying to do now. Since when had Ginny changed so much? Must have been because of the Hog's Head.

_"Why don't you forget this stuff?  
It was so long ago"_

"_Not that long,"_ Ginny protested.  
_"And we've been through this, so_  
_Why not skip to the 'yes'?"_

"_Once t'was easy to say 'yes',"_ Harry remembered.  
_"But now I'm trapped in this mess"_

"_I'll make it good, you know it."_

"_You couldn't guess."_

"_Let me at it!"_

"_Oh yeah?  
You know what, my life just sucks."_

"_It sure won't if we suck some—"_

Harry cut her off, not wanting to know what she was going to say. "_Oh no."_

"—_Thing else,"_ Ginny finished, grinning at him.

When on earth had Ginny gotten so corrupted and bad, Harry wondered. He didn't think the Hog's Head could change someone so drastically. Now what was that spell? It was… it was… aha!

_"Oh, here, it's—"_

"_What's that?" _Ginny asked.

"_It was the Lumos spell,"_ He took the wand from her, muttered the spell, and handed the illuminated wand back to her.

"_Now you've lit my wand up,"_ she said.  
_"Oh, why don't you light your wand up?"_

Harry wondered if the innuendo with the word 'wand' was a Weasley family trait, or something. First Ron, now Ginny…

"_I can't believe this."_

"_Believe it, it's true  
__Let me stay with you."_

"_Maybe I would, but it won't do  
__Listen, I know I can't be with you"_

"_Oh, Harry  
__Oh, Harry…" _Ginny was looking at him with pleading brown eyes. This was absurd. And yet, it was actually working on him…

"_We're done," _he tried, lamely.

Ginny brushed this aside. "_We'll start  
__Please. Open your heart  
__You wanna kiss?"_

"_No. None,"_ Harry tried again, resisting Ginny as best he could.

"_Oh,"_ Ginny whined.  
_"Well, that's no fun!"_

Harry winced. "_Maybe one,"_ he suggested, giving in.

Ginny smiled widely.  
_"Wait and see_  
_You'll want me  
__Ginny."_

Ginny kissed him briefly on the lips, and then walked out of the loft, looking at him all the way out.

"Maybe I really _should_ get out of the house some," Harry commented to himself.

* * *

**A/N: **So, that was that chapter, and like last time, any suggestions and constructive criticism would be great! I know I've got the songs worked out, but since I have to put in some literary writing, would you like to see it a little more fleshed out? Which is a bit hard, because most of what I'd say is already in the songs, but...eh. I'll work on it. :)


	3. Padfoot Returns

**Author's Notes:** Again, I don't own 'Rent' or Harry Potter. They are property of Jonathan Larson and J.K. Rowling, respectedly. And with this particular chapter, I'd totally like to apologize to them. I'd like to apologize to Mr. Larson for destroying his beautiful songs, and to Mrs. Rowling for destroying her beautiful characters. This is what happens when you let me play around with Rent and Harry Potter together, okay?  
I'd also truly, deeply, like to apologize to Sirius. I'm sorry! I hate to do this to you. And I should apologize to Angel for stealing some of her clothes. We know they only look good on her. ;)  
Oh, something else I don't own is "eegoos". It's some word that my brother made up, so I borrowed it because I thought it'd make a nice name for a weird magical creature.

A bit of a longer chapter this time, because I can't just post this like a script which means I have to be literary and write stuff! Also, as you'll see, there was something that really needed explaining. But I really don't like having to write in stuff that's not part of the songs.

And speaking of songs, in this update we have "Owl #2" ("Voicemail #2), "And Now 4 U" ("Today 4 U"), "You Suck" ("You'll See"), and "Textbook: Hermy"("Tango:Maureen")

Enjoy and don't kill me.

* * *

Even with the help of Wolfsbane, full moons often passed by with Lupin only remembering the slightest flashes of what had gone on, and so hours later he found himself lying somewhere warm, and on something comfortable and squashy. Though awake, he kept his eyes closed, because it was now that all the muscle aching and stings from cuts really started to set in, and hurt. 

He'd had quite an odd dream last night. He'd dreamt that he'd been on the street and had come across a shaggy black dog that really looked an awful lot like Sirius's Animagus form. How strange.

To be honest, Lupin really didn't know where he was right now. Maybe in some new apartment. Or at Harry and Ron's. At the moment, he was trying to savor the last few moments he had of just lying there before having to get up and return to business. He gave a groan.

It was then that Lupin heard the soft sound of footsteps on a wood floor, and then another second, a voice was saying, "Er… Remus? Are you awake?"

Great. The dog. Padfoot, he'd called himself, right? Yes, another uncanny aspect that made Lupin think of Sirius. Lately he'd learned to get over it, since everything had been reminding him of Sirius since his death. Well, whatever that dog wanted, he really didn't understand now. Because as far as Lupin knew, at the moment he was back to being a human. Though hadn't the dog said something about that last night? Let's see… human… something about being human… on the outside? Hmm…

"Yeah…" Lupin mumbled. "I don't know what you want, though…"

"Okay… Remus," Padfoot said, and he spoke slowly, tentatively. "Before you open your eyes, I need you to just… to just not scream or make any sudden movements, okay? For the most part you're a reserved man. So, don't be rash."

"Okay," Lupin mumbled, still not seeing the point of this, or how Padfoot could even guess that he was reserved. God, his eyelids were heavy. Okay. And… open.

And when Lupin opened his eyes, he was looking at not the shaggy black dog, but a man. Another familiarity crept up too: he looked exactly like Sirius Black. The sort of way Sirius might look if he hadn't died…

Lupin's first reaction, he realized, was a large gape in his mouth, and his eyes wide, shortly followed by a blurt of, "What the hell?" His eyes darted. "Okay. This is ridiculous now. It's not even possible. But if you're that dog, then so far you've been making me think exactly of an old friend of mine, and I have no idea what joke is going on, but—"

"Shhh," Padfoot said, pressing a finger to his lips. "Look, Remus. Moony. You're not going to believe this, and I'm still having trouble believing it myself, but… it's me. Sirius. Padfoot. Sirius Black. One of your best friends. Marauders. Me."

"Sirius?" Lupin practically screamed automatically.

"Shhhh!" Sirius snapped, throwing his hand over Lupin's mouth. "Not so loud!"

Well, if he was Sirius, this was new. Actually caring about how loud people were. And yet, it still didn't make sense. Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Sure. Let's say you're Sirius. And why should I believe you?"

"Because I am!" Sirius said, looking as though he really hoped Lupin would believe him. "My old house was the headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix. And at school, me and James called Snape by the name of 'Snivellus'. And I still do, as a matter of fact. And that little rat Peter surprised us all in fourth year when he got a date with some blonde chick. And James finally started dating Lily in seventh year, after all the times we had to set them up. And you didn't even go out with anyone until the end of sixth year. Whereas I dated a very long list of girls while at Hogwarts, many of whom I've realized how stupid the relationship was, but the list went like this: Emmeline and Anna and Saffron and Lita and Hestia and Phinona—"

"Oh my God, I think it _is_ you," Lupin interrupted, remembering the long list of girlfriends Sirius had often recited. Whether it had been to show off or just so that he could keep track of them, he really didn't know.

Lupin was still struggling with the concept of Sirius returning. "All right. So we've established that it's really you. Next question: how and why are you back? Where did you go?"

Sirius cocked his head. "I don't really know. It was kind of like a… I don't know how to describe it. Maybe a bit like a hotel for dead people. But it was a blast; it was like a party every day. And the thing was, it turned out that everyone who was there, had actually _died_, if you know what I mean. When they found out that I was there because I fell through a piece of drapery, everyone just laughed, and then they voted me out. So now I'm back. But you can't tell anyone. I mean, I'm glad to be back, but I really can't have anyone knowing, or else I'll just be caught by the Ministry and off my head will go, and back to the dead people place I'll be."

Lupin was just staring at him, still processing this information. However, there was one piece at the end he knew he could address. "Um… Sirius?"

"Yeah, Remus?"

"You do know that the Ministry realized you were innocent, don't you?"

Sirius was quiet for a few seconds, before his face slowly became furious, and he exploded, "What?" It appeared that he had forgotten all thought of keeping silent, because he was yelling, "When did this happen?"

"Oh, it happened not many weeks after you… went behind the curtain," Lupin answered. "I'm not really sure how they figured out, but Dumbledore just mentioned it to the Order one night. Fudge didn't announce it publicly or anything, he didn't want the wizarding world to realize how he'd blundered once again."

"Damn!" raged Sirius. "If I'd known that I wouldn't have to be… though maybe I still would…" His face was falling.

Lupin studied his friend. "What's wrong?"

It took Sirius a few seconds before answering. "Oh, nothing, nothing. Look. We've got to clean you up. I'm no Madam Pomfrey, of course, but I think I'm still pretty good. And then you've got to eat. And tell me what I've missed."

"You'll have to come with me to see Harry and Ron later," Lupin told him, smiling. "I bet they can't wait to see you. It'll be shocking, and I guess we'll have to keep it secret somehow, but I'm sure after we explain this whole thing, it'll be fine." He noticed Sirius still looking worried, and added, "You know, Wolfsbane has really improved in the last few years. I'll be fine enough to get up and get outside the house." But Sirius was still looking upset. "Sirius, what's the matter?"

Sirius walked over toward the kitchen area and started pulling out some food. He conjured up a small table in front of the couch, and set it up in front of Lupin. "You eat," he said. "And then… there's something I should tell you."

---

Over at the Leaky Cauldron, Mr. Lovegood was having a morning coffee before he left to go on another safari trip to scout out some exotic and unseen animals. He'd run into Augusta Longbottom and her grandson, Neville. They were both very nice people, but Mr. Lovegood was now beginning to get annoyed with Augusta. She wouldn't go away, and he really needed to call Luna and say he was going. And once he'd brought that up, Augusta had begun forcefully suggesting that his Luna might date Neville. At this time, Neville had turned a pink color and muttered something about needing to be excused to use the restroom.

The Leaky Cauldron had adapted to some Muggle technology: the telephone. Mr. Lovegood knew that Luna was now dating Hermione, a Muggleborn, and so he knew that they'd have a telephone at their home, which Mr. Lovegood found very convenient because he didn't have an owl on him.

He dialed the number to Luna and Hermione's apartment, but no one picked up. Instead, he got their answering machine message.

"Hi. You've reached Hermione and Luna!" greeted Hermione on the answering machine. "Leave a message, and don't forget 'Cleaning the House'— My performance, protesting the unjust and entirely iniquitous conditions house-elves are forced to suffer through in their lives as subjugated slaves to the cruel masters they compulsorily made to obey! Tomorrow at ten p.m. in the empty square at Hogsmeade. Gathering in the Three Broomsticks to follow."

_Interesting_, Mr. Lovegood thought. _Sounds like that spew thing Neville mentioned…_

_BEEP!_, the answering machine then sounded. Mr. Lovegood began to record his message.

_"Well, Luna, I'm off  
__I asked that nice boy, Neville  
__And he said that you've been spewing or something."_

_"Remind her that my grandson Neville Longbottom  
__Makes a fine companion too!"_ interrupted Grandmother Longbottom. Mr. Lovegood just gave a vague smile and scooted away some, wondering if she even realized how rude it was to interrupt people's calls. He went on.

_"Check the house for my itinerary  
__Or owl me back, dear  
__Or you can try this telephone thing in a pinch  
__I'm taking pictures of Eegoos  
__Unless it turns out they don't exist."_

_"My grandson!"_ Grandmother Longbottom rudely interrupted again.

Mr. Lovegood gave a sigh, and then said,  
_"Oh, fine—Luna  
__Neville's grandma wants you to date her grandson  
__I told her you can't, but she's deaf"_

Augusta Longbottom gasped loudly and looked at him fiercely. _"Mister!"_

_"You hear that?"_ Mr. Lovegood asked Luna in the phone, although he wasn't speaking with her right now.  
_"This is not her call  
And she's here bothering me!"_

_"I am not!"_ Augusta Longbottom protested.

_"For daddy's sake, Luna  
__Maybe tell Neville 'hi'  
__I don't know why  
__Oh, and Luna  
__Save the Snorkacks!"_

_"Date Neville!" _Grandmother Longbottom managed to yell into the phone before Mr. Lovegood hung up.

"Do you mind?" he asked her.

"What?" she asked. "I thought they'd be a cute couple."

---

Food was delicious. And chocolate chip pancakes were ingenious. Sirius had provided a very nice variety of food for Lupin, and so far Lupin had eaten chocolate chip pancakes, buttered toast, some sausage, and some bacon. As he ate, he realized how starved he'd been, and for the first few minutes of the meal, he wolfed it down hungrily.

Since he'd begun eating, Sirius had not been around. Half an hour had passed now, and Lupin began to get worried. "Sirius? Where are you? Are you all right?"

"Fine, Remus!" he heard Sirius's voice answer him, somewhere else in the apartment. "I'm just…er… you keep eating, okay?"

"I'm just about done, Sirius," he called. "It's delicious. Thanks for the pancakes. But I don't understand why you don't come and have some too."

"Oh, you're welcome!" Sirius said, though sounding preoccupied. "What's that, you're done eating? Well… maybe that's good. Because it'd kind of stink if you barfed. Yeah. Maybe that's good. Hold on, I'm coming. Just… sit there. Sit there, and don't move, all right?"

"Fine," Lupin answered. He took a small bite out of the small section of toast left, and though he heard the sound of some very odd shoes tripping in the hall. "Sirius, are you okay?" he called.

"Great, Moony, great!" yelled Sirius. "Don't go anywhere!"

"I'm not!" Lupin told him. "But come out, please. The fact that you're actually back is so surprising, but now that you've been gone for half an hour I've started to miss you again."

"Well, you'll probably still be missing me, now that I've… well… you'll see."

Lupin heard another noisy stumble, and then the loud sound of shoes walking. He furrowed his brow, but shrugged it off and took a sip of his water.

The footsteps drew closer now, and now Sirius was back in the room, walking over to Lupin. Sirius took a deep breath, and then walked in front of him. "I swear to you, Moony, it's still me."

Lupin looked up and spat out his water. "What on earth have you done with Sirius?" he cried, looking at the sight in front of him.

Sirius looked nothing at all like the way he did half an hour ago. The black hair that had messily been tied behind his head was now revealed to be of shoulder length, shiny, and full of volume. The baggy shirt and jeans were replaced by a form-fitting light blue sweater and a white skirt with different colored flowers on it. There were zebra patterned tights on his legs, covering up his bare feet that were now slipped into shoes. And not just any shoes. Black platform high heels, with the heel probably being about four inches.

Lupin just gaped at him. "If you still are Sirius, then _what_ are you wearing? Sirius, you're dressed like a… a... a _woman!_" He let out a nervous little laugh.

Sirius's cheeks turned red (Lupin noticed that his cheeks were already pink now, thanks to some blush), and he sat down next to Lupin on the couch. Lupin, with curiosity stitched onto his face, stared at Sirius's face. He had noticed that Sirius had been very clean-shaven before, but hadn't thought anything of it then. He noticed that Sirius now had on red lipstick, some eye shadow, and— oh, Merlin— had plucked eyebrows.

"I know, Remus," said Sirius quietly, not quite meeting his eyes. "I know that I look ridiculous. But I had to do it. See, I realized when I came back that I was still considered a mass murderer. Because it appears that no one thought to spread the news of my innocence. And so, the dog thing was all very well, but if I was going to go out and about and try to live again, I couldn't just be a dog the entire time. I'm not lucky enough to be a Metamorphagus like dear old Tonks—"

Lupin felt rather glad that Sirius wasn't looking at him now.

"—so I figured I'd just have to disguise myself some other way. And so the only way I could come with this was by… well, being a damn woman! I mean, look at me! I'm a cross dresser! It's like that lesson you told me about where you put Snivelly in some old lady clothes! I look ridiculous!"

Lupin, still wide-eyed, was looking Sirius up and down. "You don't look… _that_ bad," he offered. "But you know, since you're cleared, you could just put this away and go back to dressing like a man."

Sirius groaned. "I can't do that. I've already gotten all these girl clothes and makeup and studied how I'm supposed to act. And plus, being Sirius again would just lead to some awkward questions. No, I made myself a new life now. I'm a girl named Padfoot."

"Okay… Padfoot," Lupin said, with a little laugh. "But also…er… Padfoot's not exactly the most feminine name."

"Oh, shut up," Sirius said, giving his friend a tiny shove with his finger, the nail of which was polished in blue nail polish. "For your information, Mr. Moony, I believe we're heroes now. Just the other day I heard some girl talking about how she wanted to be called Prongs, and how she wanted to call this other girl that she hated by 'Wormtail'."

Lupin blinked. "Seriously? We're that well known?"

"You better believe it, honey," said Sirius, who had now changed the tone of his voice to be higher and more feminine. He stood up with a slight bounce, and walked over to the counter where he grabbed his wand, and then walked back over to Lupin.

"Darn," Lupin said. "You really did study that female thing, didn't you?"

Sirius gave a very feminine giggle. "Well, you didn't think I dated all those girls and didn't pick up anything, did you?"

Lupin nodded. "Yes. I mean, half the time you couldn't even remember their names."

Sirius poked him in the chest with the tip of his wand, but winced as Lupin gave a slight groan. "Aw, sorry, Moony. Here. Let me fix you up a bit…"

Ten minutes later, Lupin had cleaned up. With Sirius's help, the pain was reduced from the minor injuries, and anything longer sustaining had been bandaged up. They walked out of the loft and headed over to Harry and Ron's apartment, only stopping briefly at a store to pick up some treats for them (which had been Sirius's idea, being that Sirius had a ton of money and Lupin didn't).

As they climbed the stairs, Lupin mentioned something to Sirius. "Hey Sir—"

"Padfoot!" Sirius interjected.

"Right," Lupin corrected himself. "Padfoot. You know how at Hogwarts all the girls would stare at you? Well, now I find it funny that now that you're a girl, all the boys are staring at you."

"Hmm, what can I say, Moony?" asked Sirius. "I'm just that gorgeous." He noticed that Lupin had stopped in front of a door, and eyed it.

"Uh," said Sirius. "Maybe I ought to just stand out here and let you greet them for a few minutes. I'm probably going to scare them to death if you just walk in with me. So go talk, and then you just announce that I can come in, and I will, okay?"

Lupin looked confused for the slightest second, but nodded. Sirius scooted away to hide down the hall some, and Lupin knocked on the door.

There was the sound of feet shuffling, but then the door opened, and Lupin saw Ron there in the doorway.

"Well, look who it is!" Ron announced, looking over his shoulder to someone else in the room, who Lupin realized was Harry once he'd walked further in. "Remus Lupin! Werewolf, teacher, Ministry dissent, who ran naked through the Potions dungeon in his seventh year at Hogwarts."

Lupin froze. "Excuse me, but how did you know about that?"

Ron smirked and tapped his hand with a finger, as if there was something there. "The Marauder's Map never lies, Lupin. Me and Harry were asking it embarrassing questions about the founders, and it gave us answers. Even though no one else knows who the real founders are, you realize that they've become very popular, don't you?"

Lupin rolled his eyes. "Yeah. I've heard that."

"So what took you so long? Are you okay?" asked Ron.

"I'm fine, fine, just had a conflicting schedule with the lunar calendar," Lupin answered.

"Oh," said Ron, eyes widening in remembrance. "Sorry! We should have known that."

"It's fine," said Lupin again. "Look, I've brought you guys some stuff." He walked over to the table in the room and set the bag down. He began to pull some things out, and Ron eagerly helped him.

_"There's candies and pastries  
__And Butterbeer of dreams  
__This box of Bertie's beans will taste so odd."_

_"And chocolate frogs!" _Lupin announced, with a grin.

Ron ignored this and just dug further in the bag. _"Look, it's some more food!"_

Lupin snorted at Ron's manners. _"And 'thank you', too."_

_"Oh, hi,"_ said a very sullen looking Harry from his usual chair.

_" 'Oh hi' after one whole year?" _Lupin asked him, in complete disbelief.

Harry shrugged apologetically. _"Sorry."_

_"This boy could use some chocolate!"_ Lupin announced, tossing a new chocolate bar over at Harry. Harry actually cracked a smile.

_"Oh magic night,"_ the three men mused.

_"How'd you get so much money?"_ Harry asked.

Lupin answered, _"Well, they took me back at Hogwarts  
__To teach Defense Against Dark Arts  
__But until then I've got time to visit you  
__Until the new Hogwarts year starts.  
__Still brooding in the chair?"_

Ron let out a loud chuckle through a cauldron cake, and Harry scowled before standing up.  
_"I got up just for you, don't you know?"_

Lupin smiled.  
"Very good, you should  
_Come to the Three Broomsticks after Hermy's show"_

_"Why go?"_ asked Harry.

Lupin gave it a thought, and then figured it was now or never. Hopefully it would cheer the boy up some.  
_"Gentlemen, on this occasion I have brought a guest  
__Who cannot wait to see you and feels that she's truly blessed  
__It's astounding, for whoever thought that he could come back?  
__Sirius 'Padfoot' Black!"_

Lupin headed over to the door and opened it again, and Sirius— well, _Padfoot_, though Lupin was still having a very hard time with thinking of Sirius as a girl— walked in a little tentatively, but with a smile, and said,

_"And now for you, it's magical me."_

Harry and Ron looked thoroughly confused, and were gaping. Sirius took another deep breath, then gave a wide grin and again said, but with more confidence,

_"And now for you, it's magical me!"_

_"And you should watch him go!"_ added Lupin, closing the door before anyone else might see or hear something.

Harry stared over at Lupin. _"You're sure this girl we know?"_

Lupin just gave another smile, and Sirius helped himself to walking about the room, releasing his energy and trying to get Harry and Ron to loosen up.

_"It was another magic day  
__And what could I say?  
__Never thought I'd ever get to live life this way  
__When I went down to the street  
__What on earth did I meet?  
__It was a bloody ruddy house-elf who then tailed at my feet!  
__This old creature, like Kreacher  
__Would not butt out  
__He was talking all day, I had to shout  
__If he would help me out now somehow  
__I'm certain that I won't kill that elf right now_

_And now for you it's magical me  
__And now for you it's magical me_

_Like a snitch 'round the pitch  
__That house-elf helped me with my sitch  
__Get rich?  
__Well, if only I was master's bitch  
__I thought who'd employ then figured out the boy  
__And sure as I am here that boy was named Draco Malfoy!  
__After an hour of me there with Malfoy's house-elf  
__It drove me so mad and I couldn't help myself  
__Like all those Death Eaters did when they got real pissed  
__I tortured Malfoy's house-elf 'til he don't exist_

_And now for you it's magical me  
__And now for you it's magical me."_

Harry and Ron still looked in deep shock, but at least now they were smiling. Sirius took a brief moment to pull out his wand, steal Lupin's, and then bang them on the table to make some rhythm to go along with his excitement. This was successful, and made Harry and Ron clap some, until Lupin snatched the wands back muttering about how Sirius was being irresponsible and destroying them. Sirius just gave a smirk, batted his eyelashes, and dragged a mention of Lupin into the song.

_"Then the full moon_  
_I heard my wolf croon  
__Yes, he was howlin' and growlin'  
__To a painful tune  
__The dog helped him see  
__To some recovery  
__Then I dressed his wounds  
__And he was feelin' good soon  
__Sing it!_

_And now for you it's magical me  
__And now for you it's magical me  
__I said  
__And now for you it's magical me  
__And now for you, it's magic…  
__It's me!"_

Harry and Ron clapped, but were still looking curiously at Sirius.

"Sirius is that…" began Harry. "Is that really…?" He was having a harder time at figuring at words than Lupin had, and it was understandable. Especially since his godfather had just come back dressed as a woman.

"Yeah, Harry, dear, it's me. Sirius. Except I'd rather that you call me Padfoot. Especially, and absolutely always, in public. Otherwise I'm going to have to curse you and make you spend an hour hanging upside down by one leg, okay?"

"What are you talking about?" Ron asked. "Sirius isn't a girl! He was a boy!" His brow furrowed a bit, and then he blurted out, "Oh my God, this is like that boggart thing. I thought Snape was scary, but this is freakier!"

"Are you insinuating that I look terrible?" inquired Sirius.

"Um…" said Ron.

"No, it's fine," said Lupin. "Padfoot, you look great. Really good."

Just as a woman would perk up from a compliment, Sirius did the same. "Why thank you, Lupin."

"Is anyone else really freaked out here?" asked Ron, looking at Harry.

Harry blinked some and then said, "Yeah. Can you please just explain this?"

"Well," said Sirius. "I died when I went through that veil, but I guess I didn't qualify as dead, because I got kicked out. Which was a shame, because I was having a great time up there with James, getting into all sorts of trouble and partying it up with all the dead girls. Except I'm not sure one of them was actually a girl, because she took off her hair at one point and didn't really look like a girl anymore. Anyway. I guess I got this idea from her. Or him. Whatever. Since my name's not cleared, I can't be Sirius. So now I'm hiding out as a girl named Padfoot."

"But you're innocent!" protested Harry.

"And 'Padfoot' doesn't sound like a girl name!" added Ron.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, Lupin already pointed that out to me," said Sirius, looking rather annoyed.

Lupin shrugged at him. "It's true."

Harry, though not totally comfortable looking, still looked a great deal better than he had been when Lupin and Sirius had first arrived. "Well… this is weird. But I guess it's okay. I didn't think I'd ever see you again. And how was… how were my parents."

"They're probably laughing their asses off at me right now," said Sirius sarcastically. He gave a laugh, then softened up and said, "No. They really miss you, Harry, and I'm sure they're watching you right now. They told me to tell you to stop being so moody. Oh. And Dumbledore suggested that you eat some lemon drops."

"Oh," said Harry. "That's uh… great."

Lupin took a chocolate bar from the bag before joining Sirius in sitting on the couch.

"By the way," Ron said to Sirius. "Did you really kill one of Malfoy's house-elves?"

"Er… yes," answered Sirius.

Ron looked torn between a smile and an upset look. "Hermione's really going to kill you for that," he said. "She's taken S.P.E.W. to a whole new level. You should call up her fellytone sometime and hear the message that goes on if she doesn't answer it."

"Then we just won't tell her, now will we?" Sirius said with a wink. Lupin looked concerned about this, but Sirius just pretended to take a swipe at the chocolate bar and immediately Lupin stopped looking so concerned about that.

An impatient knock sounded at the door.

"Did you invite anyone else?" Harry asked. Both Lupin and Sirius shook their heads. Ron looked pointedly at Harry.

"All right, all right, all right!" said Harry, and he heaved himself up and over to the door. He opened it up, and saw someone he least wanted to see at the moment. Draco Malfoy, clutching an expensive broomstick that he must have been riding on, and with a house-elf in tow.

"Well, well, well, Potter," he said. "Don't just stand there in my way. Do the right thing and invite me in."

"How about not?" suggested Harry.

"Look, Potter. The longer you stand there, the longer I have to be here. I'm going to do something to change you and Weasley's lives, so hurry." Without waiting for a response, Draco pushed Harry aside and walked in. As his eyes flickered over to the three other residents in the room, he gave a laugh and handed the broom to his elf to hold.

"What do you know, it's Lupin too. Lupin and… bloody hell, Lupin is that your new girlfriend?"

Obviously Draco hadn't figured out that Sirius wasn't a girl. Which worked nicely for both Lupin and Sirius, though they were both not at all what to say in response to the question Draco had asked.

"Er… Yes," said Sirius, the female voice he'd been speaking in going into an absurd falsetto. Lupin elbowed him.

"What?" Sirius muttered through his teeth at Lupin.

"I'll talk to you later," Lupin muttered back.

Thankfully, Draco hadn't noticed anything, because his house-elf was trying to sneak a sit on Draco's broomstick, but had been caught by his master.  
_"Hey, you elf-- yeah, you doofus  
__Get your arse off my new Nimbus!"_

Ron looked exasperated.  
_"That attitude toward the house-elves is exactly what  
__Hermy is protesting about."_

Draco shook his head, snatching the broomstick away from the elf and hitting it over the head with it.  
_"Granger is protesting how house-elves are still enslaved.  
__Not my attitude."_

Harry had to laugh at how untrue this was, being that Hermione had given a loud rant to him one day about how the Malfoys were at the root of all this house-elf injustice. And while Harry was still a little uneasy about Hermione's determination to liberate all the house-elves, any excuse to blame something on Malfoy was fine by him. Still, he wondered why Malfoy was bothering himself was this, and wasn't out with the remaining Death Eaters creating some huge sinister plan.  
_"What happened to Malfoy?  
__What happened to his brain?  
__And the evil he once pursued?"_

Draco shrugged. _"Being pure evil just didn't work  
__So now I'm back to being a snobby jerk."_

_"Happy birthday, Merlin,"_ Lupin muttered in sarcasm.

_"Now hear—" _Draco went on, but was interrupted by Ron, who said,

_"Just leave us alone."_

Harry put it more bluntly. _"Get out."_

_"'Cause we always fight—this isn't right,"_ added Ron.

_"There is one way  
__For me not to stay,"_ Draco told them. Everyone gave a loud groan. Since when would Malfoy ever go away?

_"And what's that?"_ Harry asked.

Draco explained more.  
_"My home has been kind of disorderly  
But if you can help get it right  
Then these words you will never hear from me:_

'_You suck, boys  
__You suck, boys'."_

The other four men (or maybe that was three men and one woman) let themselves laugh at this. There was no way that Malfoy could ever swear off telling them how he hated them. Draco ignored this.

_"The Malfoy estate, beautiful, humongous, and it's better than this place  
__When the house-elves work  
__I'll stay there and be happy  
__And from then I'll let you be  
__If you do me one small favor."_

_"What?"_ asked Ron.

Draco waited a second, and then confidently replied with, _"Convince Granger to cancel her protest."_

And this was absurd. Hermione would never cancel something that was her greatest passion. She was already thrilled that a majority of Malfoy's elves had gone on strike and refused to work.

_"Why not just buy her a library?  
__Or clean your own house?"_ Ron suggested.

_"Yeah, I did, and that was not fun,"_ Draco answered in response to the cleaning question. As for buying Granger a library, that would never happen. He had better things to do with his money. Besides, she practically was a library anyway.  
"_And plus my father would rather I handle this properly."_

_"You can't 'properly' come in and pretend we're all friends_  
_Then force us to achieve all of your ends!" _Harry rebutted angrily. 

Draco was insulted that his offer, an offer he considered very generous, was being rejected.  
_"You wanna play Quidditch and play chess?  
__You don't know what you're doing  
__So if you'd like to see me less  
__Then help before she goes spewing_

_You suck, boys  
__You suck, boys_

_You suck, and this is how it's gonna be  
__But all of this can change now today  
__We'll all be fine, you bet  
__So go or else you'll regret  
__Just get my elves back, what else can I say?"_

And then Draco seemed to find an answer to his own question.  
_"You suck! Bloody foes!"_

He snapped at his elf, and the elf scurried to follow Draco as he exited the room in a huff.

_"That boy should see St. Mungo's," _mused Sirius.

_"Or whine and cry,"_ Harry added.

_"Or just die,"_ Ron suggested hopefully.

_"Which reminds me,"_ said Lupin.  
_"We have a detour to make tonight  
Anyone who wants to can come there too."_

_" 'Life Just Sucks' is where people come to complain about life,"_ Sirius explained.  
"_I'm sure it'd be good for you."_

Ron vaguely thought about visiting, but remembered he had other obligations. _"First I must help a pogrebon."_

Sirius nodded, and looked at his godson. _"Harry?"_

Harry was slumped back in his chair. _"I think I won't and say I did."_

_"Come on!"_ Ron snapped at him, because this was a perfect way for Harry to get out of the house. Instead of complaining about life in a chair, he could go complain about it with other people.

Sirius threw a dark look over at his godson, but didn't try and press him any further. He stood up and motioned for Lupin to stand up with him, while explaining to Ron,  
_"He'll catch up later  
Right now he's being an emo kid."_

"Hey!" Harry said angrily.

Sirius ignored this and just walked over toward the door. _"You suck, boy."_

_"You suck, boy," _Ron and Lupin nodded in agreement.

_"You all suck, boys!" _Harry retorted at them.

_"I'd suck boys," _Lupin found himself saying as he stared at Sirius. Realizing this, he blushed and mentally kicked himself, heading for the door faster, but Sirius just raised his plucked eyebrows at him in a very flirtatious way and added, _"How lucky."_

Lupin just glared at him, opened the door, and started walking.

_"We'll see,"_ the four men (or three men and one woman) mumbled.

---

Right after that, Ron had headed over to Hermione and Luna's place, where he'd been asked by Hermione if he'd help save the protest work that Luna's pet thing had eaten. Ron didn't even know much about pogrebons, and didn't even see why he should be the one who had to help. It was Luna's own fault that she had some stupid pet that no one had ever heard of.

Though as much as Ron didn't want to go, he knew he'd do it for Hermione anyway. He'd been crushing on that girl since first year, and even though she'd broken up with him, something in him knew that he wasn't yet over it.

He reached the loft door and knocked on it. He waited for some time, before it was finally opened by a girl with blonde hair and wide blue eyes.

_"Ron?"_ she asked, looking surprised to see him. Though she normally looked surprised at everything.

_"Hi,"_ he said.

_"I told her not to get you,"_ Luna said.

_"That's Hermy,"_ Ron said knowingly. He peered in the apartment.  
"_But can I help? You're alone."_

_"I'll do it all on my own,"_ she told him.

Well, if that was the case. Good. Because he didn't want to help some nasty old pet.  
"_Great.  
__Well, nice to have—"_

_"Wait!"_ Luna called, changing her mind.  
"_Some help would be great."_

Luna opened the door further to allow Ron to come in, and motioned at a disgusting little creature on the floor.  
_"My pogrebon looks fine  
__And he's saying—"_

_"Okay, nevermind,"_ Ron said, not wanting to hear about how Luna talked to her pets.  
"_Try something. Anything."_

And what did Luna do? She went over there, and she poked that creature.  
"_Poke- one, two, three."_

Ron looked at her oddly before adding, _"Anything but that."_

Luna stood up slowly, her eyes looking at Ron in a furtive way. _"This is weird."_

_"It's weird,"_ Ron agreed.

_"You're so weird."_

_"I'm so weird?" _Ron asked. He was pretty sure that he knew who the weird one was between the two of them. And it definitely wasn't him.

_"You're so strange and I don't know what to do!" _Luna continued.  
_"My pogrebon's abused  
I'm so clearly confused  
And to help me with this— I get you!"_

_"Feel a pain in your head?"_ he asked.  
_"Got a feeling you're brain dead?_  
_And you're so stuck you think no luck could be?"_

_"You might call me a jerk—"_

Ron shook his head.  
"_Listen, I know this work.  
__It's called the 'Textbook: Hermy.'_

_The Textbook Hermy!  
__It's a long, heavy, hard book to read  
__You think you can get it—"_

_"I do!"_ Luna protested, nodding her head at him.

_"But then you regret it!"_ he finished, trying to catch her up.

Luna was still firm. _"That just isn't true!"_

So Ron went on.  
_"As you turn ev'ry page_  
_It just makes you enraged  
__Yet you hail to this female you need."_

Luna paused. It appeared Ron had got her. _"I think I know this story."_

_"The Textbook Hermy,"_ both of them nodded.

_"Has she ever had a big fight  
__And called you 'dummy'?"_ Ron asked, with much previous experience.

_"Never,"_ Luna answered.

Ron tried again. _"Have you ever watched her study all night?"_

Once again, Ron had got her. _"This is… funny,"_ she tried.

Then Luna asked her own question.  
_"Did she use big words that you don't know?"_

Ron groaned. _"All the time. So make a list."_

_"Did you lose to her in quiz shows?"_ Luna asked.

_"More than lose,"_ Ron replied.

_"That makes me so pissed!" _Luna told him.

Ron suddenly remembered again why he was here. Not to talk about Hermione, but to save her protest by getting her information out of that little… thing. He looked at the ugly creature on the ground. His immediate thought was a charm to make the pogrebon just throw up, but it didn't seem to be working. So he tried it again, but in the reverse way. Hey. What came in had to come out, right?

_"It's hard to do this backwards,"_ Ron noted as his wand pointed at the pogrebon.

Luna just laughed and said, _"You should try it with Nargles." _

She didn't seem to be that interested in her creature anymore, instead she began talking about Hermione once more.

_"She's clever."_

_"She's clever,"_ Ron said, rolling his eyes. As if that needed to be established.

_"Hermy's clever."_

_"Way too clever."_

_"And I'll never be able to compete!"_ Luna whined.

Ron had a suggestion for this. _"Gotta grab all your wit even if it's all shit."_

_"Yet with her it'd turn obsolete," _she mentioned.

And both of them knew this feeling.

_"When immersed in her book  
__You're suddenly hooked  
__The knowledge she took makes you fall."_

_"So you think 'why not try-'" _Ron began.

_"Though my brain may well die,"_ Luna finished up.

_"At least I'll have read 'Know-It-All'!" _they agreed.  
_"The Textbook Hermy_  
_Gotta read 'til this book is all through  
__You say you understand it  
__Though you can't grasp a hand on it  
__Still you love when she's smart  
__Though she may break your heart  
_'_Til you fret so upset you turn blue."_

_"Why do we love that big brain?"_ Ron inquired.

_"Because she drives us insane," _Luna added.

There was a sudden squeal, and the pogrebon was down there, and so were some papers.

"_That the stuff?" _Ron asked her.

_"My Hermy," _Luna sighed, picking up the papers.

Ron pulled a face. _"Fixed."_

_"Thanks,"_ Luna added, smiling.

_"You know, I feel great now,"_ Ron said, feeling himself grin as well. Maybe it was because he'd found someone else who understood how hard it was to date a know-it-all. Or maybe it just because he could get away from this disgusting creature.

_"I feel loony,"_ Luna responded.

Ron caught sight of a picture of Hermione on the wall, and stared at it. Luna looked over at where his eyes were looking, and followed it to the picture. Together, they sighed.

_"The Textbook Hermy."_

* * *

**A/N:** Yay, another chapter! Anyway, just a few things to clear up. One, I'll probably just be calling Sirius by the name Sirius, and he'll only be called 'Padfoot'in public. Thus, I'm probably not going to refer to Sirius/Padfoot as a 'she' like Angel is typically referred to, because Sirius didn't actually choose to be a dragqueen, he did it to stay in hiding. Although, yeah, technically, he could stop. But then my story wouldn't be as interesting. ;)  
And please, please, please, forgive Lupin's little line at the end of 'You Suck'. I got to the end of that song and realized that I'd walked myself right into that one.  
And don't ask exactly how Luna's pogrebon was cured. I wouldn't have to bother with knowing if I could just put this up in a less confusing script style.  
Anyway, next update to come after I finish up a few more songs. I like to stay a chapter ahead.


	4. Life Just Sucks

**Authors Note:** Still don't own Rent, as much as I wish, and even though I saw it on stage again on July 22. :) Nope, it's still property of Jonathan Larson. And Harry Potter, as much as I may dream, still isn't mine either, and belongs to the wonderful J.K. Rowling. Speaking of Harry Potter, the Half-Blood Prince film is said to come out on November 21, 2008. Yay!

Anyway, this update contains just one song: "Life Just Sucks" (Life Support). Note how I try and make my new lyrics just as uplifting and inspirational, hah. But no one beats Jonathan Larson.

* * *

As Lupin and Sirius walked to the Life Just Sucks meeting, Sirius continued to get the odd and occasionally interested glances from people on the street. Sirius just smiled at them all sweetly and continued walking, whereas Lupin didn't even notice because he'd been paying attention to something else.

"Remus," Sirius addressed him after turning to look at him and discovering that his eyes were still toward the floor. "Why are you looking at the sidewalk?"

"What?" Lupin asked, jumping slightly and then looking back up at Sirius. "I'm not looking at the sidewalk. I'm looking at your shoes. I just…" He paused to consider his words, taking another glance down at the four-inch high heel shoes Sirius was sporting. "I just don't understand how you can wear those things. Doesn't it hurt?"

Sirius snickered at him, and looked down as well to admire the shoes. "Oh, you bet those hurt. Not as much as your furry problem, I'm sure, but they made my feet ache for some time. But I've gotten used to it." Giving a grin and looking back up at him, he added, "Of course, they do occasionally hurt. But luckily you can't tell anything from the tights."

"Yeah… those tights," Lupin repeated, now taking a look at another bizarre part of Sirius's outfit. "It's just… wow, Sirius, wow…"

Sirius immediately slapped Remus on the arm. "I told you! That's not my name anymore!"

Rubbing his left arm, Lupin sighed. "I'm sorry. _Padfoot_." He added for emphasis. "But this is just really odd. Whenever I call you that all I can think of is… well, you and your other name and your more manly self. Can't you just pick out a different name?"

"Oh," said Sirius sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "So first I'm already having gender issues, and now you want to give me name issues too?"

"That's not it!" Lupin said, shaking his head. "I just think it'd be a lot easier if you used a different name."

Sirius ignored this. "You know, Remus, you seem to be a lot more obsessed with my appearance that your other girlfriends'."

"I am not!" insisted Lupin automatically. "And besides, the fact does remain that they were girls while you're just- Yes, that's another thing," he went on, changing topic. "What was all that nonsense about back at Harry and Ron's, when Malfoy walked in?"

Sirius's perfectly styled eyebrows furrowed as he ran his memory back to when Malfoy came in, and figured out exactly what 'nonsense' Lupin was talking about. Beneath cheeks covered in blush, he turned pink slightly and innocently asked, "And what nonsense would that be?"

"You know exactly what nonsense I'm talking about!" Lupin answered, giving Sirius a furtive look.

Sirius, still choosing not to say anything, replied with, "In the event that I've mixed it up with all the other nonsense that's gone on today, you'll have to remind me again."

Lupin's walking slowed down, and so Sirius did the same, watching him closely as Lupin took a breath and blurted out, "The part where you said you were my girlfriend."

"Oh, er, that?" said Sirius, with a giggle. "That was just a bit of fun, Remmy, don't be so uptight about it."

"Well. Erm. Good," said Lupin stiffly.

"Although," Sirius went on, fluttering his eyelashes. "It would be fun to joke about, and it would help with my disguise, considering that no one would ever guess it was actually me. Because you and I would never actually…um…"

"Yes, that's right," Lupin nodded. "The part about us never… you know."

Sirius nodded too. "Though since you've spoken of _my_ nonsense, I feel it's only fair for me to ask you about all of _your_ nonsense with 'I'd suck boys'. Hmm? What was that all about, Mr. Lupin?" He pressed it on him, leaning in closer and draping his hand on Lupin's shoulder, enjoying the way Lupin always went red and stiff when it came to talking about relationships.

Lupin's mouth opened. It closed. It opened again. "That wasn't-" It closed again, and Lupin searched for words. "I was just being… oh, gee, look, isn't that the meeting place across the there?"

Sirius turned away from Lupin and gazed across the street. "Oh. What do you know, it is. You may be in luck this time, sweetie, but don't expect it to happen again."

Lupin faltered, unsure if he wanted to address the conversation they'd just had, or how Sirius had begun to use new words such as 'sweetie.'

"Come on, let's go!" Sirius shouted, and took Lupin by surprise by grabbing his hand and dragging him in a run towards the street end, and then crossing over to the other side.

"You walk in those shoes, you run in those shoes, you dance in those shoes," said Lupin. "You're continuing to astound me, and it's still relatively early in the day. Who knows what else will go on with this whole feminine persona of yours?"

"Aw, you're a dear," Sirius smiled. "Let's go in, hun."

Lupin and Sirius entered a small building, which was a tiny bookstore in other times of the day. They headed toward the back where they spotted chairs and a few rather other grumpy or sad looking people.

They waited in silence for five minutes as the leader of the group waited to see if anyone else would turn up. Only one other person came and joined, a black man who Lupin recognized as former student Dean Thomas, and prayed to Merlin that Dean would not recognize Sirius whatsoever.

"Well… I suppose we ought to start now," the leader said. "Everyone, have a seat and let's announce our names." They all did as the leader instructed and sat down, and Lupin and Sirius looked around at the six other people at the meeting with them, one of which was a witch whose face was covered by a hood.

"Dean," began Dean.

"Blaise Z," said a dark skinned man, and Lupin recognized him as another former student.

"Ali," said a witch with dirty brown hair.

"Pam," an older woman said.

"Sue," said the witch with the hood, and she lowered it down.

It was as though a brightly lit light had illuminated the room. Radiance, beauty, and glory radiated out of Sue, from the way her glossy blonde hair curled perfectly, to the deep pools of blue eyes that scanned the room, and the perfect little nervous smile her ruby red lips created.

Dean, Blaise Z., the leader, and Sirius all began gaping, and Lupin couldn't help but stare at her in wonder too, despite the fact that he felt he didn't want to at all, and just wanted to give Sirius a good smack in the head. Shame on him. After all, if Sirius wanted to be a woman, than he was doing a poor job of it now.

Ali looked over at Sue with admiration and jealousy in her eyes, and Pam gave Sue a suspicious gaze even as she too admired her. "Sue? Aren't you really _Mary_ Sue?"

"Um… yes?" she answered, with that perfect musical tone in her voice.

"Hey! I once dated-" Sirius began to say to her, but Lupin finally managed that smack in the head. Sirius grabbed his hair and started fixing it again, and glared at him. "What was that for?"

"You are supposed to be a woman!" Lupin breathed.

"But look at her!" Sirius moaned. "I mean, she's gorgeous, absolutely lovely. We could still date. If only I could look as stunning as that, I'll never compare with the way I look now!"

"Yeah… she is quite good looking, isn't she?" Lupin muttered to himself. He looked back at Sirius for a moment, and noticed the envy racing through Sirius's eyes. Lupin shifted in his chair and looked over at the floor before looking back at Sirius once more. "You look beautiful."

Sirius blushed and looked away, fluttering his eyelashes some. "Aw, Remmy, you really mean that?"

"I- um…" Lupin stuttered.

"Mary Sue, what are you doing here?" the leader asked, still basking with everyone else in the splendor and perfection of Mary Sue. "Surely your life is so perfect that you wouldn't need to come to a place like this!"

"But that's the thing!" Mary Sue wined, and a tear fell down her cheek. "I'm so perfect and good looking that everyone out of the fandom hates me! I don't want to be hated! Everyone is supposed to love me!"

"I'll love you!" volunteered Dean, Blaise Z., Ali, Pam, and the leader in unison. Sirius and Lupin were still a little too distracted by each other to pay attention to Mary Sue.

"I'll be your best friend!" added Ali hopefully.

"Oh… that's so nice," Mary Sue said, smiling and blinding the room with the sheer sparkling whiteness of her perfectly straight teeth. "But I just… I don't know. I wanted to come here and complain about my life, but you're just not the sort of audience I can do this too. I need to go home to my seven hundred-room mansion and sing sad songs in my beautiful melodious voice. I'll just… I'll just go. Bye." With that, Mary Sue jumped up and trotted out the door, everyone's eyes following her sadly. When she left, the glowing radiation Mary Sue had brought faded away.

"Aww," Dean, Blaise Z., Ali, Pam, and the leader said miserably.

"Well… that was interesting," said the leader. He cleared his throat and straightened up some. "Let's continue, shall we?" He looked over toward Sirius, whose turn it was to say his name.

Sirius, however, was too busy looking and then looking away from a certain werewolf.

The leader coughed loudly. "I said, let us continue saying our names, shall we, Ms. Zebra Tights!"

Sirius gave a start. "What, oh, me?" he asked, looking around with a nervous smile. "Hi, I'm Padfoot."

Lupin winced slightly, expecting someone to see through that name. "Um. Lupin."

"I'm Paul," the leader announced. "Let's begin."

So they did.

_"When life just sucks  
__When things get tough-"_

They were interrupted by a loud thump, which turned out to be Ron Weasley, who had just arrived and tripped over a stray book lying around the floor. Embarrassed at this entrance, he addressed everyone.  
_"Sorry, excuse me, oops…"_

_"And you are?" _Paul asked.

Ron looked quite unsure of what to say.  
_"Oh, I'm not—  
I'm just here to—  
My life's not—  
I'm here with—"_

Immediately giving up on whatever he may have said, Ron raised a hand in greeting and announced, _"RON! Ron! I'm Ron!"_

Sirius and Lupin exchanged glances, both smiling slightly at how out of place Ron seemed to feel here. The other members looked amused too, and spotting this, Ron fumbled and muttered, _"Well. This must seem quite entertaining."_

_"Sit down, Ron," _Paul offered, motioning to some empty chairs.  
"_We'll continue the life complaining."_

Ron gave an awkward smile in response, pulled a chair out, and joined everyone in the circle to continue the meeting.

_"You must then trust  
It'll be fine soon enough"_

_"Just listen, Paul  
__I'm having a problem with this," _Blaise Z. spat suddenly.  
_"This credo_  
_My life I don't know  
__I've been so confused, okay?"_

_"All right,"_ said Paul.  
_"But look, Blaise— are you a girl or boy?"_

Blaise Z., looking very annoyed at this question, fumed and sarcastically replied with, _"How should I know?"_

_"The author told you so," _explained Paul.

_"A boy?"_ answered Blaise.

_"Now you're sure,"_ said Paul.

_"Yes, but I'm still stuck,"_ Blaise Z. told him.

_"So why's life suck?" asked Paul._

_"They said I'm Italian,"_ Blaise answered.  
_"But I'm black  
Look, I find sometimes life is hard to live  
Because my introduction's not informative_  
_And so the fanfic writer speculation began  
__Because no one knew if I'm a woman or a man."_

Lupin looked over at Sirius and raised an eyebrow. Sirius gave him a smirk back, a pout with his lipsticked lips, and a display of his blue painted fingernails, as if to prove to him that right now, he was being a woman, and that Lupin could forget about making those kind of remarks.

The meeting continued.

_"The book may close  
__The time's not gone  
__The magic lives on."_

* * *

**Author's Note: **I tend to call this the 'Fanon Chapter' just because of all the fanon stuff I've used in here, like dear old Mary Sue. :p Also, the comment Blaise had about being Italian came from some icon I read about a year ago about how all the Blaise fangirls were upset that Blaise was black and not a hot Italian guy. It amused me, so I threw it in there.  
I have to work on a few more songs and perfect the new version of 'Another Day', and then there should be an update after that. 


End file.
